Spititual

All you have to do is stay in the present. When you catch yourself upset about the past or worried about the future, say to yourself, “Ah, I’m time traveling,” then STOP. That’s what meditation is. That’s what being “spiritual” means: not time traveling.

ONLY DO THINGS YOU ENJOY

The only real fire to cultivate is the fire inside of you. Nothing external will cultivate it. The greater your internal fire is, the more people will want it. They will smoke every drug lit by your fire. They will try to ignite their own fires. They will try to light up their own dark caves. The universe will bend to you.
Every time you say yes to something you don’t want, your fire starts to go away.
You will get burned out.

VALUES

STEP 1: THE VALUE MUST FAIL.

Davis intuitively understood something that almost all of us do not: values are based on experience. You cannot argue someone out of their values. You cannot threaten them to let go of their most deeply-held beliefs. That just makes them defensive and even more resistant to changing themselves. Instead, you must approach them with empathy.

The only way to change someone’s values is by presenting them with a contrary experience to their value. The KKK members held deeply racist values and instead of attacking them and approaching them as an adversary—in a way that would reflect their values back to them—Davis chose to approach them in the completely opposite way: as a friend. And that friendliness and respect caused the KKK members to call everything they knew into question.

To let go of a value, it must be contradicted through experience. Sometimes this contradiction happens by taking the value to its logical conclusion. Too much partying ultimately makes life feel empty and meaningless. Pursuing too much money ultimately brings greater stress and alienation. Too much sex gives you chafed thighs and rug burns on your knees.

Other times, a value is contradicted by the real world. Many KKK members that met Davis had never known a black person, much less one they respected. So, he simply met them and then earned their respect.

STEP 2: WE MUST HAVE THE SELF-AWARENESS TO RECOGNIZE THAT OUR VALUES HAVE FAILED.

When our values fail, it’s terrifying. There’s a grief process that takes place. Since our values constitute our identity and our understanding of who we are, losing a value feels as though we’re losing a part of ourselves.

Therefore, we resist that failure. We explain it away and deny it. We come up with rationalizations. Davis said that for months, his KKK friends would struggle to justify their friendship with him. They would say things like, “Well, you’re different Daryl,” or create elaborate justifications for why they respected him.

When our values fail, we have two knee-jerk justifications: 1) the world sucks, or 2) we suck.

Let’s say you spend your entire life chasing money. And then, in your 40s, you accumulate a good amount. But instead of diving and swimming in gold coins like Scrooge McDuck, this money doesn’t bring you happiness, it brings you more stress. You have to figure out how to invest it. You have to pay taxes on seemingly everything. Friends and family members continuously approach you looking for help or handouts.

But instead of considering that the value sucks, that maybe you should care about something more than money, most people instead blame the world around them. It’s the government’s fault because they punish wealth and success. The world is full of moochers and lazy people who just want a handout. The stock market is a racket and impossible to win.

Others blame themselves. They think, “I should be able to handle this, therefore I just need to make even more money and everything will be alright.” They get caught on a treadmill of constantly pursuing their value more and more until they become a sort of extremist.

Few people stop to consider that the value itself is at fault. That valuing money got you into this situation, therefore there’s no way it can get you out.

STEP 3: QUESTION THE VALUE AND BRAINSTORM WHAT VALUES COULD DO A BETTER JOB.

In a previous post, I described how the process of maturity is replacing low-level, material values, with higher-level, abstract values. So instead of chasing money all the time, you could chase freedom. Instead of trying to be liked by everyone, you could value developing intimacy with a few. Instead of trying to win everything, you could focus on merely giving your best effort.

These higher-level, abstract values are better because they produce better problems. If your primary value in life is how much money you have, then you will always need more money. But if your primary value is personal freedom, then you will need more money for a while, but there might be some situations where you need less money. Or, where money is completely irrelevant.

Ultimately, abstract values are values you can control. You can always control whether you’re being honest or not. You cannot control if people like you. You can always control whether you’re giving your best effort. You can’t always control if you win or not. You can always control if you’re doing something you find meaningful, you can’t always control how much you’ll get paid.

STEP 4: LIVE THE NEW VALUE.

So, here’s the catch: sitting around thinking about better values to have is nice. But nothing will solidify until you go out and embody that new value. Values are won and lost through life experience. Not through logic or feelings or even beliefs. They have to be lived and experienced to stick.

This often takes courage. To go out and live a value contrary to your old values is fucking scary. I imagine the KKK guys were terrified to spend time with a black man. It probably freaked them out when they realized they liked him and respected him. They probably avoided him and put up walls between themselves and him.

We do the same thing in our own lives all the time. It’s easy to want authentic relationships. But it’s hard to live them. It’s scary. We avoid it. We come up with excuses for why we have to wait, or we’ll do it next time. But the “next time” inevitably ends up being another failure and another pain.

STEP 5: REAP THE BENEFITS OF THE NEW VALUE.

But when you do summon the courage to live out your new values, something crazy happens: it feels good. You experience the benefits. And once you experience those benefits, not only does it become easier to continue living the new value, but it sounds insane that you didn’t do this sooner.

It’s like the high you get after a good run. Or the relief you feel after telling someone the truth. Or the liberation you feel when you stop being a racist fuck and hand over your Klan robe to a nice old black man.

Like jumping into a cold pool, the terror and shock passes and you’re left with a wonderful sense of relief, and a newer, deeper understanding of who you really are.

Rejection / Odrzucenie

REGRET OF NOT TRYING IS WORSE THAN REJECtiON

I FEAR REGRET MORE THAN FEELING OF BEING REJECTED

Have Zero Tolerance for Self-Criticism

Tempting as it might be to list all your faults in the aftermath of a rejection, and natural as it might seem to chastise yourself for what you did “wrong” — don’t! By all means review what happened and consider what you should do differently in the future, but there is absolutely no good reason to be punitive and self-critical while doing so. Thinking, “I should probably avoid talking about my ex on my next first date,” is fine. Thinking, “I’m such a loser!” is not.

Another common mistake we make is to assume a rejection is personal when it’s not. Most rejections, whether romantic, professional, and even social, are due to “fit” and circumstance. Going through an exhaustive search of your own deficiencies in an effort to understand why it didn’t “work out” is not only unnecessarily but misleading.

Revive Your Self-Worth

When your self-esteem takes a hit it’s important to remind yourself of what you have to offer (as opposed to listing your shortcomings). The best way to boost feelings of self-worth after a rejection is to affirm aspects of yourself you know are valuable. Make a list of five qualities you have that are important or meaningful — things that make you a good relationship prospect (e.g., you are supportive or emotionally available), a good friend (e.g., you are loyal or a good listener), or a good employee (e.g., you are responsible or have a strong work ethic). Then choose one of them and write a quick paragraph or two (write, don’t just do it in your head) about why the quality matters to others, and how you would express it in the relevant situation. Applying emotional first aid in this way will boost your self-esteem, reduce your emotional pain and build your confidence going forward.

Boost Feelings of Social Connection

As social animals, we need to feel wanted and valued by the various social groups with which we are affiliated. Rejection destabilizes our need to belong, leaving us feeling unsettled and socially untethered. Therefore, we need to remind ourselves that we’re appreciated and loved so we can feel more connected and grounded. If your work colleagues didn’t invite you to lunch, grab a drink with members of your softball team instead. If your kid gets rejected by a friend, make a plan for them to meet a different friend instead and as soon as possible. And when a first date doesn’t return your texts, call your grandparents and remind yourself that your voice alone brings joy to others.

Rejection is never easy but knowing how to limit the psychological damage it inflicts, and how to rebuild your self-esteem when it happens, will help you recover sooner and move on with confidence when it is time for your next date or social event.

Breathing

The next time you are in a stressful or emotional situation, focus on taking slow deep breaths, inhaling through your nose until you can feel your stomach swell outward and grow tight, and then exhaling gently and completely through your mouth. As you exhale, go ahead and push that breath out until you have completely emptied your lungs.

Technika 4-7-8

Jak prawidłowo wykonać technikę 4-7-8?

1. Upewnij się, że leżysz w łóżku w pozycji, która nie ogranicza twojej zdolności do głębokiego oddychania.
2. Zamknij oczy, a czubek języka umieść na podniebieniu za przednimi zębami. Staraj się trzymać go tam przez całą sekwencję oddychania, nawet podczas wydechu.
3. Zrób głęboki wydech ustami, a następnie wdychaj powietrze przez nos przez 4 sekundy (licz w myślach do czterech).
4. Wstrzymaj oddech na 7 sekund.
5. Zrób wydech ustami przez 8 sekund.
6. Powtórz całą sekwencję oddechów cztery razy.

Technika 4-7-8 doskonale dotlenia organizm, daje poczucie lekkości i relaksuje układ nerwowy.

Grounding

To ground yourself, sit or stand comfortably, and breathe into your belly. Imagine that you’re gathering warmth and light in your belly, and as you breathe out, imagine that your breath and light or warmth are moving down through your body and into your chair (if you’re seated). Breathe in again, and imagine that light as a cord that’s moving down into the floor beneath you, into the foundation of the building you’re in, and down through the layers of soil and rock beneath your building. Breathe in again, and continue letting this light and warmth make its way downward. Just ground the circuit and thank your sadness.

Imagine your breath and that light moving down and away from you, as if you’re reaching down under the ground with a very long pole. Feel your grounding cord moving ever downward until it reaches the center of the earth, however that looks to you. Anchor your cord (rdzeń) in some way; you can imagine your cord connected to the center of the earth on a lighted chain with an anchor, you can see it as the roots of a tree that wrap themselves around the center of the planet, or you can imagine a bright waterfall that creates a pool at the center of the earth. Any image that works for you is the correct image. Keep breathing normally.

If it disappeared, please breathe in, imagine gathering light and warmth in your belly, and breathe down to the center of the earth again. But this time, imagine wheels or use some other imagery or felt sense that will allow your sense of grounding to move with you.

We need our logical intelligence to help us make sense of things, but when we’re accessing our emotions, we also need to rely on imagery, our intrapersonal intelligence, and our empathic abilities.

Here’s an exercise that utilizes your free-flowing fear and sadness: Focus yourself and breathe normally. Feel the connection between your body and the center of the earth and bring your calm focus to bear on your interior state right now. If you’ve got any tension, confusion, or emotional upset inside you, breathe into that area and envelop it with your breath. Gather the tension, breathe it downward, and let it slide down into the ground. Try that again. Breathe into your area of tension (wherever it is), gather that tension, and exhale it down and into the ground. Let the tension ground away from you, and sense the relief your body feels when you let things go. If you need help, move your hands down your body and your legs, and describe grounding to your body in a literal way. Maintain your calm focus, and let your body tell you when it feels done. When you use your sadness and fear together, you won’t release too much or exhaust yourself; your fear will help you remain focused and alert. Use this technique as often as you like; grounding helps you release tension consciously.[7]

 If you can breathe in, gather your confusion or tension, and then send it down into the earth, you can refocus yourself. Grounding helps you remain centered in the outer world by giving you a way to cleanse and stabilize yourself in the inner world.

When you can ground your tension and any intense emotions, you won’t need to blast other people or repress everything and become flattened.

Some pointers: Grounding restores healthy flow to your body, and healthy bodies need to move. Remember: this process is not about perfection; it’s about wholeness, which means it encompasses peace and turmoil, grace and clumsiness, competence and incompetence, and the whole range of life experiences.

Additionally, any time spent by a body of moving water (or with calm animals) is naturally grounding. Finally, any art form (dancing, singing, painting, ceramics, playing music, and so on) that helps you express yourself and focus your attention on creation will help with both centering and grounding. Art heals!

Anger and shame

Anger helps you observe and respond to boundary violations coming from the exterior world, and shame helps you observe and avoid boundary violations that may come from your interior world. Shame helps you protect your boundary and the boundaries of other people

What I notice when I have a good boundary is that I can experience other people as themselves instead of needing to control or change them. I can’t do it all the time—who can? However, when I’m grounded, focused, and well-defined, my interpersonal intelligence gets a lot smarter.

Anna miłość

If my loved ones are too damaged or dissimilar for our relationship to work, I don’t stay with them (and I don’t let them keep my credit cards!), but I don’t stop loving them.

Łusiiiiik

Doggie

Peak moments

One simple diagnostic to gauge whether you’ve transcended the ordinary is if people feel the need to pull out their cameras.         

Mae West

"It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it."

Sex is emotion in motion.

"I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action."

Career choice

Emocje / Emotions

Keep a Journal 

You’ll get a better idea of which emotions get you down, which pick you up, and which are the most difficult for you to tolerate. Pay careful attention to the people and situations that push your buttons, triggering strong emotions. Describe the emotions you feel each day, and don’t forget to record the physical sensations that accompany the emotions.

Every adult individual is responsible for their own feelings. No one has the power to make you happy or make you sad. If someone behaves a certain way, you then make an interpretation of it, which causes the feeling. So the meanings you make are what cause your feelings.

Data science 5,000 to 7,000 hours of work

By Year Three you’ve put in 5,000 to 7,000 hours of work

Surrender

Surrender is something else. If you’ve reached this point, if you’ve said no to all the things you are entitled to say no to, you are ready to surrender.
But not before then.
Surrender means:
You are eating well.
You are sleeping well.
You are taking care of your body.
You are saying no to the foods and drinks and activities that can harm you.
You are saying no to the people who are trying to bring you down.
You are saying no to the stories that people have tried to force you into. You are not marching in the army; you are your own person.
You are saying no to the lies that keep the stories going.
You are saying no to the offers and opportunities that might be second best. You are searching deeply for the real Yes in the opportunities that come to you.
You are saying no to the noise. Finding the silence that is between every word, that is between every breath of air.
All of this allows your creativity to roam free. Your spirit to relax. Your brain to breathe a sigh of relief. Your body to have more energy than ever.
So much relief!

Now …
Surrender.
To whom?
To you.
To the higher part of you.
To the “you” that is wise and knows better.
Do it.
Say yes.
To you.

Our brains don’t care if we are happy. There is only one mission for the brain: replicate the DNA.
When DNA doesn’t replicate, a species becomes extinct. That’s failure. When DNA replicates, a species thrives. That’s success.
And that’s all the brain knows. So we have to get the brain out of the way. We have to trick it or hypnotize it.

Because the pure energy knows what to do, if you trust it.

Giving up

“Okay, you take care of it. You do it all,” where “you” is some higher power, some godlike entity?
That doesn’t work either. If you do nothing, usually nothing happens. This is just a more insidious way of trying to control things. It’s like you are trying to passive-aggressively guilt-trip the universe into providing for you.

We can’t say yes until we experience the deepest No.

Every time you say no in the way you are entitled to, it will help you take a step forward on this road. But the highest No you can say is to everything you once thought was the being known as “you.” Your history, your upbringing, your things, your dramas, your relationships. Those are all your story, and you have to give up control of that story.

Buddha no harm

Let’s call it “Buddha explains the Power of No to his son.”
All he said was this: “Before, during, and after you think, say, or do anything, determine if it will harm someone.”

The Graceful Exit

 “You’ve obviously given the matter a lot of thought and it’s been interesting to hear your views.”

How Much Should You Disclose to Someone New?

The authors of First Impressions use the analogy of a game of strip poker: you don’t want to be sitting there naked, while everyone else is fully clothed.

The next two principles below will help you understand how to go about keeping your rate of disclosure symmetrical.

Gradually Deepen the Conversation in Stages

In Conversationally Speaking, communications expert Alan Garner delineates the 4 stages through which a conversation proceeds and becomes more meaningful and significant:

• Clichés. These are the little rituals of sociality that mean little, but open up interactions: “Hi, how are you?” and “Nice to meet you.”
• Facts. After the opening salvos have been launched, people exchange basic information. Where they’re from. What they do for work. As Garner notes, at this stage, “Each person tries to find out whether there is enough to share to make a relationship worthwhile.”
• Opinions. Once folks have gotten to know each other a bit, they begin to introduce their views on current events, sports, money, love, etc.
• Feelings. “Feelings differ from facts and opinions,” Garner says, “in that they go beyond describing what happened and how you view what happened and convey your emotional reaction to what happened.” Just sharing facts and opinions keeps the conversation relatively shallow and dry; feelings reveal your heart — and that’s what really gets people interested and intrigued.

Feelings may be conversation’s most potent hook, but you don’t want to skip right into sharing them; doing so generally shows a lack of self-awareness, and provokes a “Whoa! Easy there fella!” response from the other person. Rather, you should proceed through each of these stages gradually, building an on-ramp from more shallow small talk to deeper conversation. Move topics from mild to strong, lighter to heavier, neutral to charged.

Efficiently conveying information to a group of people

S.M.E.A.C.
Ah, S.M.E.A.C.—a part of our family lexicon once again borrowed from the Marine Corps.

What is S.M.E.A.C.? It’s an easy, intuitive mental framework for efficiently conveying information to a group of people about an upcoming task. Once you’ve used it a few times, it comes naturally, and gives you a great mental checklist to ensure that no planning essentials get missed. S.M.E.A.C. stands for:


Situation—We’ve got to prepare a sales proposal for a new prospect at short notice.
Mission—To ensure that the plan that we prepare wins us the sale. (In the Corps, this also includes “Commander’s Intent”: this is especially important, because if everyone knows the overall mission—as opposed to just “do this by then”—then there is scope for individual judgment and initiative if the situation changes.)
Execution—Tom will gather data about the prospect’s formal requirements; Frances will gather information about who will be judging the proposal; John will be responsible for doing the graphical aspects of the presentation; we will then gather and do a first draft three days before the presentation is due.
Administration and Logistics (a.k.a. Bullets, Beans, and Band Aids)—What we’ll need to get the job done—We’re assembling in Tom’s offices next Tuesday at 9 A.M.; Frances is responsible for providing the laptop, dry erase board and pens for brainstorming; John is bringing the coffee. Keep receipts for any expenses incurred, as the client says that they will reimburse these if we file them following the presentation.
Communication—This is how we are going to stay in touch while executing the mission. E.g., any problems before Tuesday, use e-mail; if anyone gets held up on the day, give the rest of the team a call.

THE NO TO PHONY STORYTELLING

How often are our choices planned by people who are themselves unhappy, sick, worried about their debts, unhappy in their marriages, or unhappy in their jobs? Should we let these people tell us what should we do with our lives? Impose their stories on us? Are they right about us even though they are wrong about themselves?
I don’t want to waste my time getting angry or arguing with people. Or trying to convince people they are wrong about their plans for me. None of that is fun. I just choose not to listen to them. It’s a big world. When one door shuts, ten more doors open. When one person hates me because I won’t do what he or she thinks is right, I have another seven billion people I can choose from to pick as people I want to be around.
People (including me in the past) instinctively follow what has been imposed on them by institutions, parents, colleagues, schools, culture, false anger and dreams, and on and on. But each of us is unique, and we have our own path, regardless of the paths of others. You have to find your uniqueness.
I want to do what makes me feel at peace. Even if it means sometimes saying no to everyone I love. To all of the stories they tell.
Because that’s proof that I love myself.

Enough instead of jealousy

There’s a story about Joseph Heller, the author of Catch-22, finding himself at a party made up of a bunch of Wall Street hedge-fund managers. A man comes up to him and points to a young guy in his 20s. The man says, “See that guy over there? He made more money last year than you will make in a lifetime of writing your books.”
Heller turns to the man and says, “I have one thing that he will never have.”
The man laughs and says, “What?”
Heller says, “Enough.”

Rejection

But I now know three things:
1. If he doesn’t mean it the first time, he doesn’t mean it at all. Period.
2. To attract the coolest man, I had to become the coolest woman—and this is not just in love; it is in every aspect of life.
3. To become the coolest woman, I had to realize I was worth it, uncover my own creative talent, and use it.

The death I needed was to realize that I am not in control of anything, especially when it comes to relationships. I can’t control a man any more than I can control what my brother will say or do, or what my now husband will publish on Facebook (James: well, she can occasionally control that). Or what a boss will do. Or what a bank will do. And on and on, all the myths we fight for fruitlessly.
The death I needed was to say no to my relentless obsession to orchestrate every relationship.

I then addressed God and all the people present and told them that I was ready for a real relationship, one in which we would love, honor, and respect each other, one in which man and woman would be joined by a power greater than ourselves and in the service of that power.
I said I was ready for a relationship in which both parties would protect and love each other, but also protect and help the world in any way we were guided to.
I told the group that with those words I was also letting go of any attachment to results, that I was open to whatever the universe might send; I just wanted to say it out loud, to all of them, so they would be witnesses to my sending of a clear message.

Let a higher power play into our love and offer our love to it.

Group gathering
When the groundwork is done, when we ask for help, when we surround ourselves with those who will respect our time to speak up and hear what we need to share, we are let in on a huge and powerful secret: we reach God much more easily through other people’s ears.

Once you have one friend or a group of people with whom you feel safe, try it. Tell the people in front of you that you would like to ask God for something, and that even though it may sound strange, you want them to bear witness to your clear desire to manifest something in your life. Tell them you have chosen them because you know you can trust them.
Then say it out loud: “I am ready for this (say what you want). I want to manifest it in my life, and my friend is a witness that I am inviting this energy in. Thank you.”
Thank your friend(s) or support group for participating in your ritual. Let it go. Be present. Witness the circumstances of your life as they develop over the next few weeks. Open yourself to life and see what happens.
Surrender to the words you said. They are out there now, bringing opportunities to you. Say yes to those opportunities because now you are ready.

BOND

“I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the other.”― Rainer Maria Rilke

Data science

https://www.analyticsvidhya.com/blog/2018/07/mystory-became-a-machine-learning-expert-10-months/

Joe Dispenza

The same experiences produce the same emotions, those same emotions tend to influence the way we think and our biology our neurocircuitry our neurochemistry our hormones and even our gene expression is equal to how we think, how we act and how we feel. And how you think, how you act and how you feel is called your personality and your personality creates your personal reality and that's it.    

How do we begin to influance the body so the thouht actually produces a change?

Cloe your eyes, and imagine what you want, and thus its a first step to programme yourself. Teach your body emotionally what a future would feel like. 

THE MOMENT YOU START FEELING ABUNDANT YOU GENERATING WEALTH.

THE MOMENT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE YOU START CREATING EQUALS IN YOUR LIFE.

bad boy\artist + high social status + handsome

romantic love

“All love is founded on a dissatisfaction with oneself…” he said. “Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are and, more especially, who you want to be.”5 According to his view, the fascination that draws us magnetically toward that special other is really just a fascination with our own unattainable perfection. Other students of love insist that the essence of love is the need to overcome the ultimate loneliness of existence, a need implicit in the Platonic myth of the divided self.
I agree with Ethel Person, a contemporary psychoanalyst who breaks with tradition by asserting that the search for love is - ultimate goal is enlargement of the self. The search for love is a creative project, a great act of imagination that is shaped at least as much by where we are going as by where we have been. One thing is certain: the romantic impulse springs from the deepest levels of the human psyche.

Fifteen Ways to Heat Up Your Marriage

Fifteen Ways to Heat Up Your Marriage

The mystery is gone, you say? Well, perhaps the challenge of the chase is over, but what’s more challenging than sustaining sexual intensity with the woman whose toothbrush drips dry each morning next to yours? Here are some suggestions to help wake up your sex life:
1. Indulge…yourself! Read erotica, watch porn, masturbate. Fantasize. Undress the pretty girls on the bus. Fixate on that FedEx woman who dashes into your office every morning. Like any other talent, without exercise your libido will atrophy.
2. Take responsibility for yourself. Remember when your sexuality was yours alone—and not marital property? Regardless of your marriage vows, your girlfriend is not in charge of your inner life or who you dream about when you pleasure yourself.
3. Take a vacation together. Send the kids to your favorite PFLAG mom. Leave town. Don’t take your dog. Or stay at home—no phone, no TV, no car, no shopping.
4. Tell each other a story. The most outrageous fantasy I ever had…. Then make it true.
5. Take your girlfriend sex toy shopping—online or at your favorite sex toy boutique. Giggle. Be embarrassed together. Not interested in toys? Browse the DVD section instead.
6. Use lube. Lots of lube.
7. Stop being lazy about sex.You’ve probably been getting each other off the same way for years. You touch her; she touches you. You lick her; she licks you. Your fist goes in her vagina; her dildo goes in your anus. Over and over, year after year. Even a great program loses something in reruns. Next time you hop in the sack, declare your usual sexual activities off-limits. Unplug that tired old toy—or get a new one.
8. Try something different. If your sex play is exclusively genitally focused, take turns giving each other full-body massages. Try this exercise: Sit facing each other on the bed. Breathe in synch. Run your fingers along her face and neck. Or caress her hands. When was the last time you attended to your partner’s body nonsexually? Describe what you’re seeing and feeling. Offer her your appreciation. Take turns.
9. Switch. After all these years of being the top, have you secretly wanted to throw your heels in the air? Or have you nurtured a secret fantasy of giving your aggressive girlfriend a taste of her own medicine? ‘Fess up, now!
10. Talk—to your partner. Sure, your best friend can recite your marital disappointments blow for blow. But have you talked with your partner about your sexual frustrations? Are you afraid that if you tell her your complaints, she’ll tell you hers, and you’ll realize you’re not so happy after all, and soon you’ll be down $90 a week for couples counseling—forget that trip to London—and besides, you’ll just break up anyway…. Whew! Talk to your partner;tell her your erotic hopes and dreams.
11. Speak in positives; don’t dump. Unless you’ve negotiated a humiliation scene, telling your lover of six years that she bores you is not likely to improve your sex life! Remind her how much you love her.Tell her you’d like to have the sex life of your dreams—with her. Be specific. Know what you want and ask for it. (See chapter 7, Communication and Finding Sex Partners, for hints.)
12. Don’t assume you know what she likes, either. Ask. Then listen.
13. Be blissfully wedded…novices. Pick a sexual activity neither of you has ever done—and do it. Never played with anal beads? Rope bondage? Attended a live erotic performance? Have you thought of cross-dressing?
14. Find a role model. Whether in a self-help book or on your dyke rugby team, find someone who’s in an intimate relationship and has hot sex. Get details!
15. Face your demons. Bet this isn’t the first time your desire has fizzled out on a lover. If so, you’re not alone! Many people find intimate relationships daunting. Why does closeness snuff out your desire? Why do you want to bolt before the ink is dry on the rental agreement? Finding the answers will require some soul-searching, and maybe some help. Do you want an intimate sex life—really? You may have to work very hard to achieve that, but the results can pay off, big-time.

So, if it’s possible to maintain a vibrant partnered sex life, how do you do it?
You make it happen. You bring intention (followed by action) to your sex life. You replace resignation (“We’ve been together ten years—we’re lucky we have sex once a month”) with curiosity (“What would it be like if we decided to have sex twice a month?”). You prioritize your shared erotic life with your partner—with each of your partners, if you have more than one. And you define what that means, which will be particular to each partnership.
That means doing some work.

erotic equation, which summarizes a reality we’ve all experienced:
ATTRACTION + OBSTACLES = EXCITEMENT

“why would someone hang out with me?”

If you know the type of people you wish to hang out with, you have to combine this with a painful question for most “why would someone hang out with me?”. Until you can answer that question with a clear answer “people in X group should hang out with me because of Y and Z….” it’s time to fix your life first. Take a list of qualities that fulfill Y and Z and get to work on those in an extreme manner. 

Meaningful job

You feel that you increase satisfaction of the other and decrease suffering

Diplomacy

In negotiations, the diplomat is not addicted to indiscriminate or heroic truth telling. They appreciate the legitimate place that minor lies can occupy in the service of greater truths. They know that if certain local facts are emphasised, then the most important principles in a relationship may be forever undermined. So they will enthusiastically say that the financial report or the homemade cake were really very pleasing and will do so not to deceive but to affirm the truth of their overall attachment, which might be be lost were a completely accurate account of their feelings to be laid out. Diplomats know that a small lie may have to be the guardian of a big truth. They appreciate their own resistance to the unvarnished facts – and privately hope that others may on occasion, over certain matters, also take the trouble to lie to them, and that they will never know.

The diplomat’s tone of reasonableness is built, fundamentally, on a base of deep pessimism. They know what the human animal is, they understand how many problems are going to beset even a very good marriage, business, friendship or society. Their good humoured way of greeting problems is a symptom of having swallowed a healthy measure of sadness from the outset. They have given up on the ideal, not out of weakness but out of a mature readiness to see compromise as a necessary requirement for getting by in a radically imperfect world.

The diplomat succeeds because they are a realist; they know we are inherently flawed, unreasonable, anxious, comedically absurd creatures. Diplomacy seeks to teach us how many good things can still be accomplished when we make some necessary accommodations with the crooked, sometimes touching and hugely unreliable material of human nature.

Sexuality

Sexuality is a sacred ritual of union through the celebration of difference. Polarity means you and your partner mirror each other on the masculine/feminine spectrum. When you are playing the role of Shiva, your lover plays Shakti. If we go with David Deida’s river analogy, Shiva guides, leads and directs a space in which Shakti is able to flow freely. Shakti can deeply and fully express power, creativity and whatever authentic expression comes in the moment.

Lovemaking is one of the most potent forms of energetic connection, a powerful springboard to unite the Yin and Yang energies. With some trust and surrender, both essential components of Tantra, we can start to merge in love with our partner, uniting the energies of Shiva and Shakti in states of blissful meditation and spontaneous heart awakening.

“Whether homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual, in any given moment, one partner must be more like the water and one partner more like the riverbank or else the flow of sexual energy will become shallow and dry up. It is important that every person understand and be willing to embrace the fullness of both masculine “directive” and feminine “flowing” forces without denigrating or shying away from either.” – David Deida, Finding God through Sex

I’ve personally always found this very fluid with my female partners. Sometimes she wears the pants and I follow her lead. Sometimes I bring the rope and she willingly submits. It can change spontaneously during a lovemaking session, so the longer the better.

When two complete beings meet in trust and harmony, we unleash the power of synergy – the world in which the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Instead of finding our “other half” and becoming whole, we bring two wholes together. Like two pieces of nuclear fuel combining to reach critical mass, we fuse together and access the cosmic alchemy by which we become, for a while, something more than merely human.

OPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

Focus on your own

“Everything I like is illegal, immoral, or fattening.”

“Everything I like is illegal, immoral, or fattening.” Te old saying has some truth to it because everything that triggers fast, easy happy chemicals has side efects. Good feelings were naturally selected because of their side efects. Food evolved to feel good because that motivates a body to do what it takes to find nutrition. Sex evolved to feel good because that motivates a body to do what it takes to find a mate. Te side effects of food and sex were desirable in a world of scarcity. We did not evolve to get an instant high from food and sex in every moment. Seeking a constant high can lead to a vicious cycle.

How to Stop Vicious Cycles You can stop a vicious cycle in one instant. Just resist that “do something” feeling and live with the cortisol. This is difficult to do because cortisol screams for your attention. It didn’t evolve for you to sit around and accept it, after all. But you can build the skill of doing nothing during a cortisol alert, even as it begs you to make it go away by doing something. Waiting gives your brain a chance to activate an alternative. A virtuous circle starts at that moment.

 To feel better, we imagine a “better world,” where happiness fows efortlessly and bad feelings are eradicated. But this is not a realistic expectation with the brain we have. Your brain only releases happy chemicals when you take steps toward meeting needs. 

 If you remained attached to a person who is not available to you, your genes would be doomed. Cortisol helps your brain rewire to associate your old 1 | Your Inner Mammal 31 lover with negative rather than positive expectations, so you start seeking love elsewhere

LOVE
But the interdependence of mature love never measures up to the dependence of your brain’s frst circuits

World without love is a dead place

Thriving Relationships 5:1 positive : negative Interactions

First things first | First and foremost INNER EVALUATION

UP TO ME                                                                                                       NOT UP TO ME

> playing game well                                                                      > what ppl write on twitter
>what goes inside the book                                                           > whether publisher accepts it or not
>how much time I spend on marketing                                         > sales and what critiques say

FORGE INNER JUDGE BECAUSE OF

LOOK, How long did it take Academy to

1) Recognize black ppl are talented actors?
2) How long did it take them to fairly treat women or gay actors or actors in independent films?

If you gonna hand over approval of your life to these fucking asholes you're gonna be sorely disappointed. 

Odetnij to | break up

Ej Jaga zostaw mnie, pozwól mi się zajmować tym do czego jestem powołana. Fajnie z Tobą jest i nigdy o Tobie nie zapomne, ale każda sytuacja wspólna pokazuje, że nie szalejesz za mną, nie chcesz mnie dotykać, ja nie mogę Cię nie dotykać więc żyj i daj żyć !

Depression - Not real , you know you are someone else, but true

“Antonin Artaud wrote on one of his drawings, "Never real and always true," and that is how depression feels. You know that it is not real, that you are someone else, and yet you know that it is absolutely true.”
― Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression

Idealna rama, rurki Columbus

Inconsistent are people Kennedy all heroes all

Zaakceptuj irracjonalny pierwistek w sobie.

Kochaj nawet jeśli zdradzisz. Moment, w którym zdradzasz nie wymazuje całej historii uczuć.

Kennedy podczas kryzysu kubańskiego, w ogromnej presji, mnóstwo bardzo ważnych decyzji podjął i jest jeszcze do podjęcia, Kennedy zachowuje spokój, na spotkaniach mało mówi, dużo słucha, działa racjonalnie, z czystym umysłem, dla dobra ludzi, za wyjątkiem tego, że w kluczowym momencie, wiedząc,że to może być jego ostatni dzień na ziemii, dzwoni do Jacqueline "będę dzisiaj później" i spędza noc w hotelu z dziewczyną z Colleague.

Jesteśmy niekonsekwentni i skomplikowani.

Priorytety i memento mori

Enerdżilandia z Dżagerem

Lipcowy Londyn z ferajną, 30 te uro Moniki

Jaga I now realize that you did nothing wrong and everything is in Divine order. I bless you for being willing to play a part in my awakening - thank you - and honor myself for being willing to play a part in your awakening. I acknowledge and accept you just the way you are

Art and human being

Great art vs being a monster as a human being

If making great art ever gave anyone a get out of jail free card for their monstrous failures as a human being I think those days are going away. Great artists help people look at their lives with fresh eyes and a sense of possibility. The purpose of being serious writer is too keep people from despair . When ppl read your work and as a result choose life then you are doing your job.

Quite simply:Art is supposed to make our lives better

Falling in love with my life

Attention

Your attention is one of the most valuable things you possess, which is why everyone wants to steal it from you. First you must protect it and then you must point it in the right direction. Attention is the most basic form of love. When you pay attention to your life, it not only provides you with the material for your art, it also helps you fall in love with your life

Success

When my days look how i want them to look

Productivity

Not Everything that can be counted counts and not Everything that counts can be counted

Fomo

Antidote to FOMO is JOMO joy of missing out

Odmowa

Dear ....,
Thanks so much for thinking of me.

Unfortunately, I must decline.

Best,
AF

radical forgiveness

The five stages are:

1. Stage 1: Tell the story (not literally, but by physically moving throughout the healing circle). In this step someone willingly and compassionately listens as we tell and own our story.

2. Stage 2: Feel the negative feelings of the story by giving yourself permission to feel your pain.

3. Stage 3: Collapse the story by withdrawing the energy from the story to release woundedness.

4. Stage 4: Reframe the story by changing the perspective to see the experience as essential to your growth.

5. Stage 5: Integrate the new story into the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual bodies so it becomes a part of you at the cellular level.

Busy with unimportant nonsense

O NAJLEPSZYM SPORTOWCU

O NAJLEPSZYM SPORTOWCU

Trenować nie trenował

Czasami na ring po prostu wchodził

Z ulicy

Skręcał na tor jak skręca się do baru

Żeby odpocząć

Żeby się zabawić

Żeby poczuć krawędź

Zysk i strate

Strate i zysk

Przypominał sobie wtedy że coś znaczy

Znaczy tak długo jak walczy

Bo mu zależy

Nie wie na czym

Ale to uczucie że mu zależy

Znaczyło dla niego wszystko

Nie walczył bronią inna niż wzgarda dla śmierci

Grał all in

Nie na pokaz, nie brawurowo

Po prostu oddawał się sile która go wzywała i była dla niego dobra

Innych rozmówców nie potrzebował

Lubił patrzeć prosto w twarz

I tak patrzył