“Everything I like is illegal, immoral, or fattening.”

“Everything I like is illegal, immoral, or fattening.” Te old saying has some truth to it because everything that triggers fast, easy happy chemicals has side efects. Good feelings were naturally selected because of their side efects. Food evolved to feel good because that motivates a body to do what it takes to find nutrition. Sex evolved to feel good because that motivates a body to do what it takes to find a mate. Te side effects of food and sex were desirable in a world of scarcity. We did not evolve to get an instant high from food and sex in every moment. Seeking a constant high can lead to a vicious cycle.

How to Stop Vicious Cycles You can stop a vicious cycle in one instant. Just resist that “do something” feeling and live with the cortisol. This is difficult to do because cortisol screams for your attention. It didn’t evolve for you to sit around and accept it, after all. But you can build the skill of doing nothing during a cortisol alert, even as it begs you to make it go away by doing something. Waiting gives your brain a chance to activate an alternative. A virtuous circle starts at that moment.

 To feel better, we imagine a “better world,” where happiness fows efortlessly and bad feelings are eradicated. But this is not a realistic expectation with the brain we have. Your brain only releases happy chemicals when you take steps toward meeting needs. 

 If you remained attached to a person who is not available to you, your genes would be doomed. Cortisol helps your brain rewire to associate your old 1 | Your Inner Mammal 31 lover with negative rather than positive expectations, so you start seeking love elsewhere

LOVE
But the interdependence of mature love never measures up to the dependence of your brain’s frst circuits