Houses domy Astrology advanced

9 - Saturn, Neptun, Uran Koziorożce
6 - Słońce Panna
5 - Ceres Merkury Wenus Panny
4 - Chiron, Jowisz
3 - Księżyc Rak
1 - Mars Bliźnięta
9 - Lilith

Planets and signs in each house offer ‘celestial instructions’ on how a person can most naturally unfold his or her life-plan in that area of existence.

Being misunderstood, victimized or rejected can lead to fear, disappointment, isolation and self-pity. Mental illness, drug addiction, alcoholism and poverty are symptoms this aspect.  If you do suffer such debilitating symptoms the best option is to treat the causes which are the initial confusion and misunderstandings. Conscious realization of how Neptune influences your subconscious is half the battle won.

Increased self-awareness will help you better differentiate between truth and fiction, reality and illusion. When you interact with others you must make sure they understand exactly what you mean. Ask questions if you are unsure of what they think and feel. Accept that you are a sensitive, caring and compassionate person and have no reason to feel inferior or guilty. You must also protect yourself against negative influences. You are more susceptible than most to deception, scandal, infection and poisoning.

Chaos wynika z tego że księżyc w opozycji do neptuna
Wenus z Marsem kwadratura

How to deal with chaos neptune moon oposite?
- You have to learn to be both in the world but not of it, operating on your own plane.
Moon in aspect to Neptune really has a need for peace, at the end of the day. You want a truly safe haven to come home to, in order to disconnect from the hustle and bustle of the world. This can involve a few trusted friends or loved ones but it can also just involve yourself, as you’re most likely at ease alone. All you really need are great music, movies, books, television series, etc. to get totally lost within. This (healthy) sense of escapism is one of the things that makes you happiest in life.
- Don’t play the martyr role. Instead, engage in acts of kindness for the sheer fulfillment of uplifting a fellow human being.
-To become a healthy Moon-Neptune, you must neither drain others nor allow yourself to be drained. Boundaries must be set. Even some of the seemingly tougher people with these aspects feel terribly guilty for not answering a troubled friend’s phone call when they understandably just need some me-time. You must remember that you are responsible for no one’s feelings but your own. You can use your healing abilities to comfort others and make them feel accepted. But, you don’t have to carry the weight of their emotional needs. 
YOU HAVE YOUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS I HAVE MINE
Being creative is what allows the Moon-Neptune individual to feel attuned with humanity, which is a deep-seated need of this placement. 
These people need to honor their compassion and their need to be openly compassionate, which can be difficult in this often cold world. Spiritual practices can go a long way in this regard, as well, teaching always to forgive and to give unconditionally.

http://astroarena12.blogspot.com/2014/12/moon-neptune-aspects-daydreamer.html

http://astroarena12.blogspot.com/2015/10/capricorn-midheaven-role-model-to-world.html

Ascendant and 1st House (naturally associated with Mars and Aries)

That facet of universal being which seeks to express itself through each of us.
The lens through which we perceive the world.
The focus we bring into life.
The kinds of functions most valuable in discovering our unique identity.
Our relationship to the archetype of initiation – how we get things started.
The experience of our birth and the way we enter new phases of life.
How we meet life in general.
The atmosphere of the early environment.
The effect we have on others.
The quest on which the hero embarks.
Some indication of physical vitality and physical appearance.

2nd House (naturally associated with Venus and Taurus)
The differentiation of the body out of the universal matrix of life.
The awareness that mother’s body is not our own.
The attachment of our identity to the body (the body-ego).
The forging of a more solid sense of ‘I’ or personal ego.
Giving the self more definition, boundary, and shape.
Our innate wealth.
Inherent faculties or capabilities which we can develop further.
Resources or attributes which give us a sense of value or worth.
What constitutes security for a person.
Things to which we attach ourselves.
What we possess or hope to possess.
Money and the material world – our relationship and attitude to these things.
What we value.
The desire-nature.

3rd House (naturally associated with Mercury and Gemini)
The differentiation of the mind from the body (the mental ego).
The development of language and the ability to distinguish subject from object, actor from the action performed.
The concrete mind, or left-brain processes.
How we use our mind – our mental style.
Exploring the immediate environment.
Naming and classifying things.
The discovery of relativity: how do we compare to what is around us? How do these things compare and relate to one another?
The general context through which we view the immediate environment.
Siblings – our bond with them. What siblings are like. What we project onto them.
Other relatives – uncles, aunts, cousins.
Neighbours.
The early school experience.
All forms of communication – writing, speaking, information exchange.
Short journeys.
The growing-up years in general (roughly ages 7 to 14).

The Imum Coeli and 4th House (naturally associated with the Moon and Cancer)
Self-reflective consciousness and the assimilation of experiences from the first three houses.
The integration of mind, body and feelings around a central ‘I’.
A sense of the ‘me-in-here’ who is experiencing and doing.
The maintenance of the individual characteristics of the self in a stable form.
What we find when we retreat back into ourselves.
Our inner base of operation.
The home.
What we are like in private.
The roots of the being.
The soul as intermediary between ourselves and events.
The influence on us of our family of origin.
The atmosphere in the early home and early conditioning.
Qualities we carry which stem from our racial or ethnic origins.
The influence of the ‘hidden parent’ – usually the father.
The inborn image of the parent in question.
How we end things.
Conditions surrounding the end of life.

5th House (naturally associated with the Sun and Leo)
The urge to distinguish ourselves as unique and special.
The urge to expand and extend our territory of influence.
The desire to be central, to have something revolve around us.
Generativity, the ability to produce.
The outpouring of the self and the urge for creative self-expression.
Artistic expression.
Those pursuits which make us glad to be alive, which engage our heart and whole being.
Recreation, hobbies, spare-time amusements, pleasures, sporting events, gambling and speculation.
Romance – what kind of person ignites us and what happens during love-affairs.
Sex – the ability to attract other people to us and please them.
The joy we feel being loved.
Children, the physical extension of the self.
What our children are like, or what we project onto them.
The inner child in us.
Play.
Personal flair.

6th House (naturally associated with Mercury and Virgo)
Further refinement and differentiation of the self.
Characterizing the self by how we differ from other people.
Reducing things to parts (left brain).
Discrimination and selectivity.
Assessing the use we make of our power, energy and capabilities.
The relationship between what we are inside and what surrounds us on the outside; the correlation between the inner world of mind and feelings and the outer world of form and the body.
The bodymind connection.
The adjustment to necessity and living life within boundaries.
Mundane everyday reality, daily rituals.
Our relationship to servants, hired help, employees.
Our own qualities as a server.
How we approach work and our relationship to co-workers.
Craftsmanship, attention to detail, perfection and technical proficiency.
Relationships of inequality.
Health issues: the nature of physical problems and underlying psychological significance of certain illnesses.

Descendant and 7th House (naturally associated with Venus and Libra)
Reconnecting the ‘I’ to the ‘not-I’.
The kinds of activities which provide us with the realization of the significance of others.
Relationships based on mutual commitment, legal or otherwise.
The marriage partner or ‘significant other’.
The kind of partner to whom we are attracted.
What we wish to import from others.
What in ourselves we project onto a partner.
What we bring into relationship.
Open enemies: what we see in other people that we don’t like in ourselves.
The general atmosphere in close relationships.
How we meet society.
The process of collectivization and socialization.
The lower courts.
How much do I blend and co-operate versus how much do I assert my individuality?

8th House (naturally associated with Pluto and Scorpio)
That which is shared between people.
Other people’s money.
How we fare financially in marriage or business partnerships.
Inheritance, legacy, taxation, banking, accountancy, investments, etc.
How the partner’s value system interacts with our own.
What happens when two people are intimately connected and attempt to merge with one another.
Relationships as catalysts for change.
Destroying old ego-boundaries and opening new ones.
Periods of cleansing and renewal.
The drawing to the surface of unresolved issues from early bonding relationships through present relationships.
The raising of what is ‘dark’, instinctual and passionate in us.
The raging infant in us.
Containing and transforming raw, primordial energy.
Sex as a means of transcending the separate-self sense.
Divorce proceedings.
Death: physical death or the death of an ego-identity.
How we die and meet transitions.
The discovery of that which is indestructible in us.
Self-regeneration.
Our sensitivity to the eco-system and the sharing of the resources of the planet.
The astral plane – our sensitivity to invisible or intangible planes of existence.

9th House (naturally associated with Jupiter and Sagittarius)
The search for meaning, purpose, direction and guidelines in life.
Seeking the truth and fathoming the underlying patterns and laws which govern existence.
The higher mind, intuitive thought processes and the workings of the right brain.
The ability to imbue an event with significance and the symbol-making capacity of the psyche.
The style in which we pursue religious and philosophical issues.
The god-image.
What pulls us forward.
Viewing life at a distance.
Travel and long journeys.
Our view of life’s journey.
Journeys of the mind and higher education.
Codified systems of collective thought.
The dissemination of ideas – teaching, publishing, preaching and promotional work.
The higher courts.
The ability to sense the direction in which something is heading.
Relationship to in-laws.
A possible indication of career.

The MC and 10th House (naturally associated with Saturn and Capricorn)
The integration of the self into society.
Fulfilment of the individual personality through serving and influencing society.
Profession, vocation, and career – our office and status in life.
How we approach work.
The atmospheric conditions we encounter in the sphere of career.
How we wish to be seen to be working.
What we wish to be remembered for contributing to the world.
Our style before the public and the image we wish to promote.
Needs for achievement, recognition and praise.
Ambition.
The image of the ‘shaping parent’ (usually the mother).
The connection between our relationship to mother and the way we relate to the world later in life.
What we feel the world/mother requires of us.
Our attitude to authority figures and the government.

11th House (naturally associated with Saturn, Uranus and Aquarius)
The urge to become something greater than what we already are, to move beyond existing images of the self.
The identification with something larger than the self.
Circles of friends, types of friends, how we behave with friends, and what we project onto them.
Groups, systems, organizations.
The nature of groups we join, our role in groups, how we feel in the group, what we project onto groups.
Our sensitivity to new trends and currents in the atmosphere.
Social reform and causes.
Goals, objectives, hopes and wishes.
What we encounter when pursuing our aims.
Group consciousness and the inter-connectedness of all life.
The global super-organism, global brain and group mind.

12th House (naturally associated with Neptune and Pisces)
The yearning to return to the original state of unity.
Sacrificing the separate-self sense to merge with something greater and yet fearing the dissolution of boundaries.
Nebulousness, confusion, empathy and compassion.
Escapist tendencies.
Meditation and prayer.
Immersion in alcohol and drugs and other substitute gratifications for wholeness.
Service – to others, causes, beliefs or to God.
Behind-the-scenes activity, unconscious patterns and complexes.
Being swept away by unconscious compulsions.
Hidden enemies, external or internal saboteurs.
Influences from causes or sources we don’t always remember.
The umbilical effect and life in the womb.
Karma, what we bring over from past lives.
Energies which sustain or undo us.
Access to the collective unconscious, mythic images and the imaginal realm.
The unconscious as a storehouse of the past but also as the reservoir of future possibilities.
How we fare or what we meet in hospitals, prisons, museums, libraries and other institutions.
Some indication of career.
What we feel will redeem us – what we hope will give us immortality.

Capricorn On Ninth House Cusp

Capricorn in 9th House – Capricorn on the cusp of the Ninth House

You likely seek to be an authority figure in matters of spirituality, religion, and/or philosophy. You seek out opportunities to teach or mentor others in some way, and you’ll often see other people as students. This may result in a significant age difference between you and your associates, and you may find that you apply a lot of effort in those relationships in order to “teach them something”.

Be careful that your inherent authoritative presence and your determination to teach doesn’t come across as bullying them to listen to and believe what you share with them. Otherwise, you may find out the hard way that you’ve damaged your reputation and credibility with those you’re trying so hard to impress.

In dealing with the ninth house, Capricorn on the cusp would seek higher knowledge from the viewpoint of security, stressing those disciplines which would be advantageous to the Capricorn. Caution must be emphasized here in that Capricorn might tend to use knowledge purely for its own ends. There are times on a lower octave when a Capricorn could be quite ruthless. It is necessary for a Capricorn on the cusp of the ninth house to be involved in abstract thinking, and by direct reaction to the third house, communicate this.

In religious pursuits, Capricorn on the cusp of the ninth house should not be dogmatic. This is the house of freedom; there should be no prejudice, no bigotry involved here. As Capricorn has the tendency to have an inferiority complex, or not to want to meet too many challenges, the Capricorn might tend to shy away from too much of an in-depth study of philosophy, psychology, religion, sociology, etc.

Capricorn here might work and study to preserve his own niche in that field, rather than the making of a major contribution. Also, it’s a matter of a broad perspective, and to be involved with all disciplines and the interrelationship of them to each other. Knowledge in itself does represent security, and Capricorn on the cusp of the ninth house might seek that knowledge purely from that viewpoint.

The karmic responsibility of Capricorn on the cusp of the ninth house is to get involved in higher mind activities, to pursue those studies which deal with abstractions and yet translate them into the average language, or the language of the day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUS2QjEc3rc wyglad

The philosophical premise upon which psychological astrology is based is that a person’s reality springs outward from his or her inner landscape of thoughts, feelings, expectations and beliefs. For the man with Saturn in the 11th, trouble with friends is only the tip of the iceberg – the outer manifestation of something which he, himself, is responsible for creating. His difficulty relating with companions is the surface manifestation of something much deeper: his fear of expanding his boundaries to include something other than himself. He wants to become greater than he already is – to identify with something beyond his existing sense of self – and yet he is afraid of endangering the identity he already has. The 11th house urges him to encompass a greater reality but Saturn says ‘Hold on, preserve what you are already familiar with.’ Understood in this way, it is not friendship which restricts him, but his own restrictions which limit his friendships. The astrologer who points out this dilemma ushers the man into the vestibule of change. Confronting these apprehensions, examining their origins, and looking at the possible ways of dealing with his fears, are the keys which open the door to further growth and development. When appreciated in the context of unfolding his potential and realizing his life-plan, this man’s difficulties with friends becomes a necessary and productive phase of experience. Grappling with Saturn in the 11th, rather than avoiding it or blaming it on others, is one way he ‘makes of himself what he is supposed to become’. How infinitely more beneficial this interpretation of an 11th house Saturn is than ‘Sorry, old chap, your friends are no good.

Awareness brings change. Through examining the house placements in our charts, we not only are given clues as to the best way to meet life in that area, but we also gain insight into the underlying archetypal expectations operating within us. Once we become aware that we have an inborn bias to see things in a certain context, we can begin to work constructively within that framework, gradually expanding its borders to allow for other alternatives.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPD8LP9R11k

Lilith in the 9th house (or Lilith in Sagittarius) :

*More likely to fight for feminism or get involved in political/intellectual/religious debates.

*Having bad experiences in collage probably or travel

*Could be a rebels in uni/collage or drop out. *Unorthodox philosophy. / truth seekers

*They could feel rejected by their beliefs.

*Unwise decisions, or doesn't learn from mistakes.

*incredibly charismatic and they could use that to their own sexual advantage

*they can get you to believe something so erotically (very convincing/manipulative)

*they have strong opinions and harsh judgments.

*Sexually and spiritually free, they don't like sticking to rules.

*They test their limits, travel alone, enjoy sex with no emotional attachment.

*It's hard to pin Lilith in the 9th down, they're independent and free.

*may attracts dangerous people who like them

Przykład jak interpretować:

Say you have a Uranus in Aires in your fourth house. Uranus represents your ability to learn and grow. Aires is a sign that points to ambition, passion, and strong emotions. The fourth house points to home, family, and property. This could mean you feel passionate about personal relationships and tend to learn and grow most through your family. You may be more emotionally invested and introspective when dealing with your family.

Empty houses

Empty houses or sectors indicate that major planetary energy isn’t being deployed toward matters of that house, but instead is focused elsewhere. Therefore, matters of that house are apt to take a back seat to matters of houses where planets are massed. A woman with no planets in the fourth or fifth but the Moon in the tenth is likely to be more fulfilled as a career woman than as a traditional homemaker. 

Just don’t conclude that an empty house means nothing will ever happen in the areas of life that house governs. One of Jeanne Dixon’s empty houses is the third, signifying communication, and yet her columns and books have been the foundation of her success. We would look to Mercury and to Gemini, since they are related to the third house. They more than compensate for the empty house, because she has Gemini rising and Mercury conjunct the Midheaven.

Emocjonalnej energii konserwacja

Time management

Byłyśmy wyprowadzać psy koło hodowli róż

Franciszka

Ulotki z Kasią

Campbell human needs

<3

Zniszczyć

Perfect communication demands from the actor a balanced quartet of emotion, intellect, body, and voice.

No one part can compensate with its strength for the weakness of another. The actor who plays Hamlet with his emotional instrument dominant but his voice and intellect underdeveloped will only communicate the generalized tone of Hamlet’s pain and agony. The audience will think, “He’s suffering a lot — but why?” The emotionally available actress who plays Ophelia may tap a vein of madness that is authentic, but without the voice and textual understanding to shed light onto the situation she will be dismissed by the audience as incidental to the story. In contrast with these emotionally driven performances are those of two actors in whom the thought process dominates their work: a too-powerful intellect can also unbalance the actor’s quartet. These actors intelligently argue the case for Hamlet and for Ophelia but fail to move their audience. They are bound to fail in fully communicating their characters if their emotions are not involved. A very athletic actor might dominate the quartet with his physical instrument: playing Henry V he might choose to do a back flip off the battlements and breathlessly launch into, “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more / Or close the wall up with your English dead...” The audience will be transfixed by his physical prowess but pay no attention to what he is saying. Without intellect, voice, and emotion, physical energy is mere flashiness. Communication is skewed because the quartet is again unbalanced

Egzemplarz człowieka

Wim hof

Stań jak robot

Prezent Łuc

Signs values

Dwa rynki 1) Masy 2) 1% najbogatszych

DD

Law #2 – Sell the Dream to the Masses: If you go down the masses route you’re going to sell them with the following tactics: 1) external motivation like Tony Robbins – “Unleash Your Inner Beast with This Product” or “Fire your Boss!”, 2) magic pills that will fix their life – “This solution has doctors hoping it will be banned!” (modafinil/provigil is one of the latest fads), 3) minimal work for sudden riches – “work from home and earn $100K tomorrow with no work!” and 4) celebrity endorsements – “XYZ celeb uses it!”. The theme here is that they are not responsible for their own actions and there is always some “hack” to getting what they want (without building any skills). When you’re selling to the masses do not put anything logical in the sales pitch. Keep it emotional and make sure your product works. Sure you can get away with bad products but that just leads to non-recurring income.

Law #3 – Sell the Prestige to the Rich: Get rich by selling them on the status of the item. The product can be largely the same but it needs to be *exclusive*. The best example is black and white balls and other such “filters” for rich people to go and meet. The cost is practically the same just sell those tickets for hundreds of dollars a piece! Another great example is the classic “bottle service” experience. No doubt about it that pricing alcohol 300% above its market value is going to be profitable. Notice, these can be done online, offer exclusive “packages” to people.

Neurological diversity is much more significant than variations of gender, race, or sexual orientation.

A personal profile of attentional capacities, shaped by temperament, life experiences, cultural influences

Buddha's brain

Niezazdrosny Julek, you can't always get, but if you try, you might find

proste i faliste linie

middle class sucks

#Wall street playboys

Call me

Network i Van Gogh

Małe mieszkanie

Berlin poem

Dear Berlin,

I am tired of living this life that I have led for one year since I tried to make you my home once again
I am tired of eating microwave food when I do, however most days I don’t eat anything. I feel too tired to.
I am tired of living in my own chaos in a flat too big and too expensive for one person,
I mean, it’s been a life experience to become your regular micromanaging real estate agent and have people move in and out of this house at least 22 times in the last 10 months
But I’m tired of wasting my time, my sleep and what’s left of my youth struggling
To pay the rent, pay the most expensive health insurance I’ve ever laid eyes upon, pay a strange tax for a TV I never use
To look for something to work every other month, or every other week or two
That leaves me so little mindful energy to look for something to do that I’d actually enjoy pursuing
What about therapy – well, let me tell you the truth about therapy here – I have never felt lonelier than the day my therapist told me
Lady, you have around 2% chances to find someone fit for you, like a partner, or a boyfriend
Is that your personal opinion or did you make a statistic, I had to ask. She laughed unwillingly
To serve me more motivation.
It didn’t go very well, in all fairness
Although, I have tried, here and there, to lose and find myself in this illusion
This B movie
Maybe we’ve all been there, I don’t know. I just find no one to be completely happy with themselves in this city
Berlin is like Tinder
A procrastination app,
Swipe right to this party, swipe left to all these people
Keep looking for yourself, farther from yourself than you’ve ever been, miles and miles of disconnection
You don’t have to take many drugs or do a lot of whack shit to feel like you’re deteriorating
As a human being.
Sure, it’s all about freedom, I like to say freedom from pain
But I don’t think I’ve had as many nervous breakdowns this year, here
As I’ve had across my twenties.
I am tired of being poor
Lost
Hectic
And emotionally imbalanced
And then again, I still do it. I still try to
Because I’ve lost the notion of home.
You’ve been a nice, romanticized view three years ago, as my plane landed on one of your airports
And mazzy star was singing in my ears,
I’ve tried to take care of that memory
Curate it
Turn it around
Grow with it
But I’m not sure you are for me
Good for me, positively, have I outgrown you?

So should I
Stay or should I
Sail away?

LE: Thank you everyone who has commented, even sarcastic ones (I don’t feel attacked). To answer some of the questions here, I moved 3 years ago initially with a huge and very fulfilling project – I’ve worked as a publisher/editorial manager, and that has been my career for the most of my life. The second time around, I tried a “pack your stuff and do a sabbatical” kind of move. It didn’t turn out super practical as I was also facing many personal demons (which I still am – who doesn’t?) and that prevented me, on the flip side, from managing to do things as I used to in the last 10 years. This city has been a slap in the face without the proverbial pep talk, I still haven’t made it back to an industry job or found a cohesive work situation to make ends meet sustainably, so, even if I stick to making my artwork and trialing many different options, it’s not easy, not easy at all. In one year I went through two break-ups, many missed work opportunities, had a friend in my home town who died recently, saw many previous life connections downright fail and dealt with so many rejections that I got to question my sanity/talents/ability to deal with adversity.
I will probably keep pushing for another year and get into a Master’s again here - if nothing sticks, I’ll try to pursue a traditional agency job in a different European city. If someone wants to hire me/send me leads, there is some excellency left in the back of my left brain. In my work, I like to tell people “don’t quit your story, tell your story”. I hope everyone finds what they need here or elsewhere. Best of everything.

COmment: 

I love that. I am on the same page. Berlin is such a transitional city, and is quite difficult that it becomes your home. That you settle and find someone; as every people come here knowing they will be here only 3 years. So everyone is so “free”. But freedom is not all!

Hang on in there! If you would like to have a friend to chat, you are welcome to send me a message any time. We can be friends and not “transitional” friends!

Comment: You can answer the question yourself. Do you like Berlin?

Yes? Stay.
No? Go.
Berlin is not at fault for your employment issues. 
Berlin is not at fault for your lack of a romantic partner.
Berlin is not at fault when you procrastinate, take an expensive apartment, or eat a microwave dinner. The only being with power to change any of this is you -- and as long as you blame the city, things will probably not change for you.

3. Berlin doesn't care if you are here or not. Berlin is exactly what you force it to give you.

There are places that need you, that embrace you. Berlin is a beautiful cold Merlene Dietrich, who blows a puff of smoke in your face, and asks, is that all you got?

But remember, wherever you go, you take yourself with you. I suspect most of your problems with the city, with men, with roommates originate inside you. Moving isn't gonna be a magic cure.

4. Well, as opposed to lots of comments I've seen here, I can certainly affirm that a place can shape what you do, are and become. To what extent it could even shape you at the core is partly a matter of personal choice (as in Vista), but it does; and some places might make that job more or less of a struggle. I always have to smirk at that neo-liberalistic idea, that one is the "master" of its life, that ALL that happens to you is in your hands solely.. and my answer always is "hum.. tell that to a kid who was born in Aleppo recently, I'm sure he ll appreciate your insight" ; or, without taking such a dramatic exemple, it would be simply deniying the fact that such thing as "Culture" exists... If places even shape people's bodies and genetics overtime, how wouldn't they influence your life as you go..? Let go Ego... ^-.

However, one thing is true: if we aren't guilty of what happens to us, we most definitely are responsible for our lives - it's actually more of a good than a bad news.
Berlin's ground, soil, was swamps originally.. (never forget that..). And I do believe, the way, grounds on which things, a story starts, will always taint any of the following.. Fact is that this city has no solid ground.., be it due to its history within the country's history - berlin never kept the same status for very long in the past 100 y and more. The positive aspect is its certain movability; the negative, that there are no reference points, no steadiness, nothing to hold on to... and, just like any other animal, we are habit-animals, we need some things to be solid; and the political choices since 89 haven't been very smart to say the least — everything went to fast here, the governement had no interest in keeping this city the playground it was, Germany is leading when it comes to applying neo-liberalistic views.. they actually never wanted to, they just had no choice and means for quite some time, couldn't be picky, it was all ruins..Punks and deserters rebuild the city.. (don't forget that German's main quality is pragmatism...^-).., and that time, those past decades in which thing unfold, could already be someones lifetime (that's how short our lives are).
If other cities such as Paris or NYC are hard ones for sure, they are for other reasons. At least they are straightforward: you know it won't be easy to settle. Berlin offers a lot of illusions, people (funnily still!) believe it's an eldorado.. But people always seem to forget that even if big cities are mostly not what the rest of the country is, they actually still are comprised in countries with a particular way of shaping life, a system — and germany isn't a "cool" place... ooh no...it isn't.
So people pour in day in day out, and they all come here with the same wish: revealing, accomplishing themselves.. fair enough, nothing to be reproachable about that on an individual scale.. but the amount, the concentration is far too big for this place to be healthy: it's filled with (more or less entertaining) narcissists. Everyone wants to "be" an artist.., if only they'd stick to being creative..
Ergo: Berlin is like a huge central train station, people come and go, they never know how long they'll stay, it's filled with stops and gos, filled with people with illusions, disillusions, hopes, they are here to *take* more than to *give*, and this is how it's definitely not the best or easiest place to *build* something...; and quickly rises that sense of abandonment, as your partner in crimes, favorite places but even simply your next door cobbler or supermarket could snap between your fingers and vanish into thin air overnight. Like a narcissistic pervert, people would keep talking about the city while it's "not there".. why they are there, why they came, for how long.. people talk an talk and talk about it like no one does in no other city. Berlin is the place where you'd be nostalgic of what was 3 months ago. It isn't "easy". underneath a glittery varnish, it's a cold hard ass unreliable bitch. But it's also an ill-loved one.

(and now I have to laugh.... hard..!)

So, as to some sort of advice to you...: maybe ask yourself what you can give to the city, as opposed to what it could give you... I'm not saying you already didn't; but maybe it's a change of paradigm, that could help you find the answer.

Power

So much of power is not what you do but what you do not do—the rash and foolish actions that you refrain from before they get you into trouble.

Spacer niedziela mleczko

Audrey

Stół Table

Ownership "He was afraid only of losing his dignity and sense of ownership." Things that come easy and fast will leave you just as fast. 50 Cent

You came into this life with the only real possessions that ever matter—your body, the time that you have to live, your energy, the thoughts and ideas unique to you, and your autonomy.

Before it is too late, you must reassess your entire concept of ownership. It is not about possessing things or money or titles. You can have all of that in abundance but if you are someone who still looks to others for help and guidance, if you depend on your money or resources, then you will eventually lose what you have when people let you down, adversity strikes, or you reach for some foolish scheme out of impatience. True ownership can come only from within. It comes from a disdain for anything or anybody that impinges upon your mobility, from a confidence in your own decisions, and from the use of your time in constant pursuit of education and improvement.

If you do not own yourself first, you will continually be at the mercy of people and circumstance, looking outward instead of relying on yourself and your wits.

It is harder for us to realize that we are essentially alone in this world and in need of the skills that Fifty had to develop for himself on the streets. We have layers of support that seem to prop us up. But these supports are illusions in the end.

An occasional affectionate or helpful gesture from people you know tends to cloud this reality and make you expect more of this support—until you are disappointed, again and again. You are more alone than you imagine. This should not be a source of fear but of freedom. Even the worst shit that happens to you can be converted into gold if you are clever enough. All of the negative factors now facing him—little money, no connections, the price on his head—could be turned into their opposites, advantages and opportunities.

When you prove to yourself that you can get things on your own, then you experience a sense of liberation

It is a kind of exercise you must practice on a daily basis—weaning yourself from dependencies, listening less to others’ voices and more to your own, cultivating new skills. As happened with Carter and with Fifty, you will find that self-reliance becomes the habit and that anything that smacks of depending on others will horrify you.

If we succumb to the illusion and the comfort of a paycheck, we then neglect to build up self-reliant skills and merely postpone the day of reckoning when we are forced to fend for ourselves

Your life must be a progression towards ownership—first mentally of your independence, and then physically of your work, owning what you produce.

While still working for others, your goal at some point must be to carve out little areas that you can operate on your own, cultivating entrepreneurial skills. This could mean offering to take over projects that others have left undone or proposing to put into action some new idea of your own, but nothing too grandiose to raise suspicion. What you are doing is cultivating a taste for doing things yourself

If ever there is a choice—more money or more responsibility—you must always opt for the latter. A lower-paying position that offers more room to make decisions and carve out little empires is infinitely preferable to something that pays well but constricts your movements.

And if you cannot avoid having partners, make sure that you are clear as to what function they serve for you and how you will free yourself of them at the right moment

You must remember that when people give you things or do you favors it is always with strings attached. They want something from you in return—assistance, unquestioned loyalty, and so forth. You want to keep yourself free of as many of these obligations as possible, so get in the habit of taking what you need for yourself instead of expecting others to give it to you.

People who are self-sufficient are generally types who are more comfortable with themselves. They do not look for things that they need from other people. Paradoxically this makes them more attractive and seductive. We wish we could be more like that and want to be around them, hoping that some of their independence might rub off on us.
The needy, clingy types—often the most sociable—unconsciously push us away. We feel their need for comfort and validation and secretly we want to say to them: “Get it for yourself—stop being so weak and dependent.

Those who are self-reliant turn to people out of strength—a desire for pleasant company or an exchange of ideas. If people do not do what they want or expect, they are not hurt or let down. Their happiness comes from within and is all the more profound for that reason.

Things that come easy and fast will leave you just as fast

The only way to gain self-reliance or any power is through great effort and practice. And this effort should not be seen as something ugly or dull; it is the process of gaining power over yourself that is the most satisfying of all, knowing that step-by-step you are elevating yourself above the dependent masses.

As a hustler on the streets Fifty had learned a fundamental lesson: Access to money and resources is severely limited in the hood. A hustler must transform every little event and every trifling object into some gimmick for making money.

Soon he realized the greatest advantage he possessed in this campaign—the feeling that he had already hit bottom and had nothing to lose. He could attack the record industry and poke fun at its timidity. He could pirate the most popular songs on the radio and put his own lyrics over them to create wicked parodies. He didn’t care about the consequences. And the further he took this the more his audiences responded. They loved the transgressive edge to it. It was like a crusade against all the fake crap on the radio, and to listen to Fifty was to participate in the cause.
On and on he went, transforming every conceivable negative into a positive. To compensate for the lack of money to distribute his mix-tapes far and wide, he decided to encourage bootleggers to pirate his tracks and spread his music around like a virus. With the price still on his head, he could not give concerts or do any kind of public promotion; but somehow he turned even this into a marketing device. Hearing his music everywhere but not being able to see him only added to the mystique and the attention people paid to him. Rumors and word of mouth helped form a kind of Fifty mythology. He made himself even scarcer to feed this process.

Events in life are not negative or positive. They are completely neutral. The universe does not care about your fate; it is indifferent to the violence that may hit you or to death itself. Things merely happen to you. It is your mind that chooses to interpret them as negative or positive. And because you have layers of fear that dwell deep within you, your natural tendency is to interpret temporary obstacles in your path as something larger—setbacks and crises.

Instead of becoming discouraged and depressed by any kind of downturn, you must see this as a wake-up call, a challenge that you will transform into an opportunity for power. Your energy levels rise. You move to the attack, surprising your enemies with boldness. You care less what people think about you and this paradoxically causes them to admire you—the negative publicity is turned around. You do not wait for things to get better—you seize this chance to prove yourself. Mentally framing a negative event as a blessing in disguise makes it easier for you to move forward. It is a kind of mental alchemy, transforming shit into sugar.

When setbacks occur, it is almost a personal affront or punishment. “How could this have happened?” we ask. We either blame other people or we blame ourselves. In both cases, we lose valuable time and become unnecessarily emotional.

The hustler thinks: “I must make the most of what I have, even the bad stuff, because things are not going to get better on their own. It is foolish to wait; tomorrow may bring even worse shit.”

The truth is that life is by nature harsh and competitive. No matter how much money or resources you have accumulated, someone will try to take them from you, or unexpected changes in the world will push you backward. These are not adverse circumstances but merely life as it is. You have no time to lose to fear and depression, and you do not have the luxury of waiting.

From then on, Washington waged a guerrilla-style war, wearing out the British with the great distances they had to cover. Everything was turned around—lack of funds and experience led to a more creative way of fighting. The smallness of his forces allowed him to torment the enemy with fluid maneuvering over rough terrain. At no point did he decide to wait for more troops or more money or better circumstances—he went continually on the attack with what he had. It was a campaign of supreme fearlessness, in which all negatives were converted into advantages.

This is a common occurrence in history: almost all great military and political triumphs are preceded by some kind of crisis. That is because a substantial victory can only come out of a moment of danger and attack. Without these moments, leaders are never challenged, never get to prove themselves. If the path is too smooth, they grow arrogant and make a fatal mistake. The fearless types require some kind of adversity against which they can measure themselves. The tenseness of such dark moments brings out their creativity and urgency, making them rise to the occasion and turn the tide of fortune from defeat to a great victory.

You must adopt an attitude that is the opposite to how most people think and operate. When things are going well, that is precisely when you must be concerned and vigilant. You know it will not last and you will not be caught unprepared. When things are going badly, that is when you are most encouraged and fearless. Finally you have material for a powerful reversal, a chance to prove yourself. It is only out of danger and difficulty that you can rise at all. By simply embracing the moment as something positive and necessary you have already converted it into gold.

Many of us have had the following experience: we find ourselves in an urgent, difficult situation. Perhaps we have to get something done in an impossibly short amount of time, or someone we had counted on for help does not come through, or we are in a foreign land and must suddenly fend for ourselves. In these situations, necessity crowds in on us. We have to get work done and figure out problems quickly or we suffer immediate consequences. What usually happens is that our minds snap to attention. We find the necessary energy because we have to. We pay attention to details that normally elude us, because they might spell the difference between success and failure, life and death. We are surprised at how inventive we become. It is at such moments that we get a glimpse of that potential mental power within us that generally lies untapped. If only we could have such a spirit and attitude in everyday life.

This attitude is what we shall call “opportunism.” True opportunists do not require urgent, stressful circumstances to become alert and inventive. They operate this way on a daily basis. They channel their aggressive energy into hunting down possibilities for expansion in the most banal and insignificant events. Everything is an instrument in their hands, and with this enlarged notion of opportunity, they create more of it in their lives and gain great power.

All of this came out of Napoleon’s determination to see everything around him as an opportunity. By looking for these opportunities, he found them

Most of us are like Selkirk when he first found himself stranded—we look at our material resources and wish we had more. But a different possibility exists for us as well—the realization that more resources are not necessarily coming from the outside and that we must use what we already have to better effect. What we have in hand could be research material for a particular book, or people who work within our organization. If we look for more—information, outside people to help us—it won’t necessarily lead to anything better; in fact the waiting and the dependence makes us less creative. When we go to work with what is there, we find new ways to employ this material. We solve problems, develop skills we can use again and again, and build up our confidence. If we become wealthy and dependent on money and technology, our minds atrophy and that wealth will not last.

If bad publicity comes your way, think of it as a form of negative attention that you can easily reframe for your purposes. You can seem contrite or rebellious, whatever will stir up your base. If you ignore it, you look guilty. If you fight it, you seem defensive. If you go with it and channel it in your direction, you have turned it into an opportunity for positive attention. In general, obstacles force your mind to focus and find ways around them. They heighten your mental powers and should be welcomed.

One opportunity you can always bank on is that a younger generation will react against the sacred cows of the older generation. If the older set valued spontaneity and pleasure, you can be sure that the younger set will crave order and orthodoxy. By attacking the values of the older generation before anyone else, you can gain powerful attention.

amor fati, or love of fate. In this philosophy every event is seen as fated to occur

50 CENT IS A PERSON I CREATED. SOON IT WILL BE TIME TO DESTROY HIM AND BECOME SOMEBODY ELSE.

—50 Cent

Forgetting is a skill that you must develop in order to have emotional flow. If you cannot help but feel anger or disgust in the moment, make it a point to not let it remain the following day. When you hold on to emotions like that, it is as if you put blinders on your eyes. For that amount of time, you see and feel only what this emotion dictates, falling behind events. Your mind stops on feelings of failure, disappointment, and mistrust, giving you that awkwardness of someone out of tune with the moment. Without realizing it, all of your strategies become infected by these feelings, pushing you off course.
To combat this, you must learn the art of counterbalance. When you are fearful, force yourself to act in a bolder fashion than usual. When you feel inordinate hate, find some object of love or admiration that you can focus on with intensity. One strong emotion tends to cancel out the other and help you move past it.

It might seem that intense feelings of love, hate, or anger can be used to impel you forward on some project, but that is an illusion. Such emotions give you a burst of energy that falls quickly and leaves you as low as you were high. Rather, you want a more balanced emotional life, with fewer highs and lows. This not only helps you keep moving and overcoming petty obstacles, but it also affects people’s perceptions of you. They come to see you as someone who has grace under pressure, a steady hand, and they will turn to you as a leader. Maintaining such steadiness will keep that positive flow in motion.

You provide the framework, based on your knowledge and expertise, but you allow room for this project to be shaped by those involved in it. They are motivated and creative, helping to give the project more flow and force. You are not going too far in this process; you set the overall direction and tone. You are simply letting go of that fearful need to make people do exactly as you desire

You come to view periods of stability and order with mistrust. Something isn’t moving in your life and in your mind. On the other hand, moments of change and apparent chaos are what you thrive on—they make your mind and spirit jump to life.

When you feel weak and afraid, you have the sense that you cannot handle any kind of confrontation. You might fall apart or lose control or get hurt. Better to keep everything smooth and even. Your main goal then is to be liked, which becomes a kind of defensive shield. (So much of what passes for good and nice behavior is really a reflection of deep fears.)

What you want instead is to feel secure and strong from within. You are willing to occasionally displease people and you are comfortable in taking on those who stand against your interests. From such a position of strength, you are able to handle friction in an effective manner, being bad when it is appropriate.

This means that in your daily life you must assert yourself more than usual—you take on an aggressor instead of avoiding him; you strategize and push for something you want instead of waiting for someone to give it to you. You will generally notice that your fears have exaggerated the consequences of this kind of behavior. You are sending signals to others that you have limits they cannot cross, that you have interests you are willing to defend or advance. You will find yourself getting rid of this constant anxiety about confronting people. You are no longer tied to this false niceness that wears on your nerves. The next battle will be easier. Your confidence in handling such moments of friction will grow with each encounter.

If you have dreams and ambitions, you know that to realize them you have to get active, make some noise, bruise a few people in your path. And you expect others to do the same to you. It is human nature, and instead of complaining you simply must get better at protecting yourself.

This action requires some aggressive energy channeled in a smart manner and the willingness to displease a person or two who gets in our way. If we are waiting and settling for what we have, it is not because we are good and nice but because we are fearful.

When you submit in spirit to aggressors or to an unjust and impossible situation, you do not buy yourself any real peace. You encourage people to go further, to take more from you, to use you for their own purposes. They sense your lack of self-respect and they feel justified in mistreating you.

This is how it is in life for everyone: people will take from you what they can. If they sense that you are the type of person who accepts and submits, they will push and push until they have established an exploitative relationship with you.

You must demonstrate to them that there are lines that cannot be crossed; they will pay a price for trying to push you around. This comes from your attitude—fearless and always prepared to fight.

Authenticity is the journey of figuring out who you are through what you make

Work with people who make you feel INSECURE that way you will be constantly pushing your limits

Only that in u which is me can hear what i'm sayin

Place your iron hand inside the velvet glove

Produkcja

Technologiaaaaaaa

Dialogue

We talk in order to think. Discussion brings clues to light. ‘Bouncing ideas around’ is a search for patterns.

Dialogue gives shape, texture and colour to the new whole.

We have meaningful dialogue as we are attentive and present to each other.

In respect we find insight.

The very desire to find shortcuts makes you eminently unsuited for any kind of mastery.

Reality comes into being through interactions. Do not fight the opposite, thrive on it.

Spółka komandytowa najlepsza

Jakie gdzie mięśnie

Negotiation/Bargaining

ACKERMAN BARGAINING by Christopher Voss

While buying

People who view negotiation as a battle of arguments become overwhelmed by the voices in their head. Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.

Slow. It. Down. Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making

Put a smile on your face

Label your counterpart’s fears to diffuse their power. We all want to talk about the happy stuff, but remember, the faster you interrupt action in your counterpart’s amygdala, the part of the brain that generates fear, the faster you can generate feelings of safety, well-being, and trust.

A trap into which many fall is to take what other people say literally. I started to see that while people played the game of conversation, it was in the game beneath the game, where few played, that all the leverage lived.

“No” is the start of the negotiation, not the end of it. after I’d said “No” to him, I often found that I was open to hearing what he had to say.

“No” is often a decision, frequently temporary, to maintain the status quo. Change is scary, and “No” provides a little protection from that scariness.

Great negotiators seek “No” because they know that’s often when the real negotiation begins.

NO

■I am not yet ready to agree;

■You are making me feel uncomfortable;

■I do not understand;

■I don’t think I can afford it;

■I want something else;

■I need more information; or


■I want to talk it over with someone else.



Then, after pausing, ask solution-based questions or simply label their effect:
“What about this doesn’t work for you?”
“What would you need to make it work?”

“It seems like there’s something here that bothers you.”

When I read Camp’s book, I realized this was something we’d known as hostage negotiators for years. We’d learned that the quickest way to get a hostage-taker out was to take the time to talk them out, as opposed to “demanding” their surrender. Demanding their surrender, “telling” them to come out, always ended up creating a much longer standoff and occasionally, actually contributed to death.

It comes down to the deep and universal human need for autonomy. People need to feel in control. When you preserve a person’s autonomy by clearly giving them permission to say “No” to your ideas, the emotions calm, the effectiveness of the decisions go up, and the other party can really look at your proposal.

There are three voice tones available to negotiators:

1.The late-night FM DJ voice: Use selectively to make a point. Inflect your voice downward, keeping it calm and slow. When done properly, you create an aura of authority and trustworthiness without triggering defensiveness.

2.The positive/playful voice: Should be your default voice. It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is light and encouraging. The key here is to relax and smile while you’re talking.


3.The direct or assertive voice: Used rarely. Will cause problems and create pushback.

1.Set your target price (your goal).

2.Set your first offer at 65 percent of your target price.

3.Calculate three raises of decreasing increments (to 85, 95, and 100 percent).

4.Use lots of empathy and different ways of saying “No” to get the other side to counter (sprzeciwiać się) before you increase your offer.

5.When calculating the final amount, use precise, nonround numbers like, say, $37,893 rather than $38,000. It gives the number credibility and weight.

6.On your final number, throw in a nonmonetary item (that they probably don’t want) to show you’re at your limit.

The genius of this system is that it incorporates the psychological tactics we’ve discussed—reciprocity, extreme anchors, loss aversion, and so on—without you needing to think about them.

If you’ll bear with me for a moment, I’ll go over the steps so you see what I mean.

First, the original offer of 65 percent of your target price will set an extreme anchor, a big slap in the face that might bring your counterpart right to their price limit. The shock of an extreme anchor will induce a fight-or-flight reaction in all but the most experienced negotiators, limiting their cognitive abilities and pushing them into rash action.

Now look at the progressive offer increases to 85, 95, and 100 percent of the target price. You’re going to drop these in sparingly: after the counterpart has made another offer on their end, and after you’ve thrown out a few calibrated questions to see if you can bait them into bidding against themselves.

When you make these offers, they work on various levels. First, they play on the norm of reciprocity; they inspire your counterpart to make a concession, too. Just like people are more likely to send Christmas cards to people who first send cards to them, they are more likely to make bargaining concessions to those who have made compromises in their direction.

Second, the diminishing size of the increases—notice that they decrease by half each time—convinces your counterpart that he’s squeezing you to the point of breaking. By the time they get to the last one, they’ll feel that they’ve really gotten every last drop.

This really juices their self-esteem. Researchers have found that people getting concessions (ustępstwa) often feel better about the bargaining process than those who are given a single firm, “fair” offer. 

It works on our human nature. Notice that you can’t buy anything for $2, but you can buy a million things for $1.99. How does a cent change anything? It doesn’t. But it makes a difference every time. We just like $1.99 more than $2.00 even if we know it’s a trick

Top negotiators know, however, that conflict is often the path to great deals. And the best find ways to actually have fun engaging in it. Conflict brings out truth, creativity, and resolution. So the next time you find yourself face-to-face with a bare-knuckle bargainer, remember the lessons in this chapter.

■Identify your counterpart’s negotiating style. Once you know whether they are Accommodator, Assertive, or Analyst, you’ll know the correct way to approach them.

■Prepare, prepare, prepare. When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion; you fall to your highest level of preparation. So design an ambitious but legitimate goal and then game out the labels, calibrated questions, and responses you’ll use to get there. That way, once you’re at the bargaining table, you won’t have to wing it.

■Get ready to take a punch. Kick-ass negotiators usually lead with an extreme anchor to knock you off your game. If you’re not ready, you’ll flee to your maximum without a fight. So prepare your dodging tactics to avoid getting sucked into the compromise trap.

■Set boundaries, and learn to take a punch or punch back, without anger. The guy across the table is not the problem; the situation is.


■Prepare an Ackerman plan. Before you head into the weeds of bargaining, you’ll need a plan of extreme anchor, calibrated questions, and well-defined offers. Remember: 65, 85, 95, 100 percent. Decreasing raises and ending on nonround numbers will get your counterpart to believe that he’s squeezing you for all you’re worth when you’re really getting to the number you want
Negotiation is a psychological investigation. You can gain a measure of confidence going into such an investigation with a simple preparatory exercise we advise all our clients to do. Basically, it’s a list of the primary tools you anticipate using, such as labels and calibrated questions, customized to the particular negotiation.
When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion—you fall to your highest level of preparation.
One note of caution before going into greater depth on this exercise: some negotiation experts fetishize preparation to such a degree that they advise people to create the equivalent of preordained scripts for exactly how the negotiation will unfold and the exact form and substance the agreement will take on. By now, after reading this far, you’ll understand why that’s a fool’s errand. Not only will such an approach make you less agile and creative at the table, it will make you more susceptible to those who are.
Based on my company’s experiences, I believe that good initial preparation for each negotiation yields at least a 7:1 rate of return on time saved renegotiating deals or clarifying implementation.
In the entertainment industry, they have a single document that summarizes a product for publicity and sales that they call a “one sheet.” Along the same lines, we want to produce a negotiation “one sheet” that summarizes the tools we are going to use.
It will have five short sections
SECTION I: THE GOAL

Think through best/worst-case scenarios but only write down a specific goal that represents the best case.
Typically, negotiation experts will tell you to prepare by making a list: your bottom line; what you really want; how you’re going to try to get there; and counters to your counterpart’s arguments.
But this typical preparation fails in many ways. It’s unimaginative and leads to the predictable bargaining dynamic of offer/counteroffer/meet in the middle. In other words, it gets results, but they’re often mediocre.
The centerpiece of the traditional preparation dynamic—and its greatest Achilles’ heel—is something called the BATNA.
Roger Fisher and William Ury coined the term in their 1981 bestseller, Getting to Yes, and it stands for Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. Basically, it’s the best possible option you have if negotiations fail. Your last resort. Say you’re on a car lot trying to sell your old BMW 3-series. If you already have another dealer who’s given you a written offer for $10,000, that’s your BATNA.
The problem is that BATNA tricks negotiators into aiming low. Researchers have found that humans have a limited capacity for keeping focus in complex, stressful situations like negotiations. And so, once a negotiation is under way, we tend to gravitate toward the focus point that has the most psychological significance for us.
In that context, obsessing over a BATNA turns it into your target, and thereby sets the upper limit of what you will ask for. After you’ve spent hours on a BATNA, you mentally concede everything beyond it.
God knows aiming low is seductive. Self-esteem is a huge factor in negotiation, and many people set modest goals to protect it. It’s easier to claim victory when you aim low. That’s why some negotiation experts say that many people who think they have “win-win” goals really have a “wimp-win” mentality. The “wimp-win” negotiator focuses on his or her bottom line, and that’s where they end up.
So if BATNA isn’t your centerpiece, what should be?
I tell my clients that as part of their preparation they should think about the outcome extremes: best and worst. If you’ve got both ends covered, you’ll be ready for anything. So know what you cannot accept and have an idea about the best-case outcome, but keep in mind that since there’s information yet to be acquired from the other side, it’s quite possible that best case might be even better than you know.
Remember, never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn’t take something better. Once you’ve got flexibility in the forefront of your mind you come into a negotiation with a winning mindset.
Let’s say you’re selling old speakers because you need $100 to put toward a new set. If you concentrate on the $100 minimum, you’ll relax when you hear that number and that’s what you’ll get. But if you know that they are for sale in used audio stores for $140, you could set a high-end goal of $150, while remaining open to better things.
Now, while I counsel thinking about a best/worst range to give my clients the security of some structure, when it comes to what actually goes on your one sheet, my advice is to just stick with the high-end goal, as it will motivate and focus your psychological powers, priming you to think you are facing a “loss” for any term that falls short. Decades of goal-setting research is clear that people who set specific, challenging, but realistic goals end up getting better deals than those who don’t set goals or simply strive to do their best.
Bottom line: People who expect more (and articulate it) get more.
Here are the four steps for setting your goal:

■Set an optimistic but reasonable goal and define it clearly.

■Write it down.

■Discuss your goal with a colleague (this makes it harder to wimp out).

■Carry the written goal into the negotiation.

SECTION II: SUMMARY

Summarize and write out in just a couple of sentences the known facts that have led up to the negotiation.
You’re going to have to have something to talk about beyond a self-serving assessment of what you want. And you had better be ready to respond with tactical empathy to your counterpart’s arguments; unless they’re incompetent, the other party will come prepared to argue an interpretation of the facts that favors them.
Get on the same page at the outset.
You have to clearly describe the lay of the land before you can think about acting in its confines. Why are you there? What do you want? What do they want? Why?
You must be able to summarize a situation in a way that your counterpart will respond with a “That’s right.” If they don’t, you haven’t done it right.
SECTION III: LABELS/ACCUSATION AUDIT

Prepare three to five labels to perform an accusation audit.
Anticipate how your counterpart feels about these facts you’ve just summarized. Make a concise list of any accusations they might make—no matter how unfair or ridiculous they might be. Then turn each accusation into a list of no more than five labels and spend a little time role-playing it.
There are fill-in-the-blank labels that can be used in nearly every situation to extract information from your counterpart, or defuse an accusation:
It seems like _________ is valuable to you.
It seems like you don’t like _________.
It seems like you value __________.
It seems like _________ makes it easier.
It seems like you’re reluctant to _________.
As an example, if you’re trying to renegotiate an apartment lease to allow subletters and you know the landlord is opposed to them, your prepared labels would be on the lines of “It seems as though you’re not a fan of subletters” or “It seems like you want stability with your tenants.”
SECTION IV: CALIBRATED QUESTIONS

Prepare three to five calibrated questions to reveal value to you and your counterpart and identify and overcome potential deal killers.
Effective negotiators look past their counterparts’ stated positions (what the party demands) and delve into their underlying motivations (what is making them want what they want). Motivations are what they are worried about and what they hope for, even lust for.
Figuring out what the other party is worried about sounds simple, but our basic human expectations about negotiation often get in the way. Most of us tend to assume that the needs of the other side conflict with our own. We tend to limit our field of vision to our issues and problems, and forget that the other side has its own unique issues based on its own unique worldview. Great negotiators get past these blinders by being relentlessly curious about what is really motivating the other side.
Harry Potter author J. K. Rowling has a great quote that sums up this concept: “You must accept the reality of other people. You think that reality is up for negotiation, that we think it’s whatever you say it is. You must accept that we are as real as you are; you must accept that you are not God.”
There will be a small group of “What” and “How” questions that you will find yourself using in nearly every situation. Here are a few of them:
What are we trying to accomplish?
How is that worthwhile?
What’s the core issue here?
How does that affect things?
What’s the biggest challenge you face?
How does this fit into what the objective is?
QUESTIONS TO IDENTIFY BEHIND-THE-TABLE DEAL KILLERS
When implementation happens by committee, the support of that committee is key. You’ll want to tailor your calibrated questions to identify and unearth the motivations of those behind the table, including:
How does this affect the rest of your team?
How on board are the people not on this call?
What do your colleagues see as their main challenges in this area?
QUESTIONS TO IDENTIFY AND DIFFUSE DEAL-KILLING ISSUES
Internal negotiating influence often sits with the people who are most comfortable with things as they are. Change may make them look as if they haven’t been doing their job. Your dilemma in such a negotiation is how to make them look good in the face of that change.
You’ll be tempted to concentrate on money, but put that aside for now. A surprisingly high percentage of negotiations hinge on something outside dollars and cents. Often they have more to do with self-esteem, status, autonomy, and other nonfinancial needs.
Think about their perceived losses. Never forget that a loss stings at least twice as much as an equivalent gain.
For example, the guy across the table may be hesitating to install the new accounting system he needs (and you are selling) because he doesn’t want to screw anything up before his annual review in four months’ time. Instead of lowering your price, you can offer to help impress his boss, and do it safely, by promising to finish the installation in ninety days, guaranteed.
QUESTIONS TO USE TO UNEARTH THE DEAL-KILLING ISSUES
What are we up against here?
What is the biggest challenge you face?
How does making a deal with us affect things?
What happens if you do nothing?
What does doing nothing cost you?
How does making this deal resonate with what your company prides itself on?
It’s often very effective to ask these in groups of two or three as they are similar enough that they help your counterpart think about the same thing from different angles.
Every situation is unique, of course, but choosing the right mix of these questions will lead your counterpart to reveal information about what they want and need—and simultaneously push them to see things from your point of view.
Be ready to execute follow-up labels to their answers to your calibrated questions.
Having labels prepared will allow you to quickly turn your counterpart’s responses back to them, which will keep them feeding you new and expanding information. Again, these are fill-in-the-blank labels that you can use quickly without tons of thought:
It seems like __________ is important.
It seems you feel like my company is in a unique position to __________.
It seems like you are worried that __________.
SECTION V: NONCASH OFFERS

Prepare a list of noncash items possessed by your counterpart that would be valuable.
Ask yourself: “What could they give that would almost get us to do it for free?” Think of the anecdote I told a few chapters ago about my work for the lawyers’ association: My counterpart’s interest was to pay me as little cash as possible in order to look good in front of his board. We came upon the idea that they pay in part by publishing a cover story about me in their magazine. That was low-cost for them and it advanced my interests considerably.

For more information on my company, The Black Swan Group, any additional information or guidance we can give you on negotiation, or for contacting me about speaking to your company, please visit our website at www.blackswanltd.com.